The Evil Queen

Yes, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted, and I’ll have an explanation for that in a few weeks…don’t want to jump the gun until I have definitive answers. But, I have to share the story of the evil queen.

All my life I’ve had what would likely be diagnosed as REM Sleep Behaviour Disorder – when I am dreaming, the shut-off valve¬†between my muscles and my brain¬†does not work, and I will actually act out my dreams. I have not been formally diagnosed, but perhaps just for the heck of it I’ll go get those diagnostics done while I’m spending tons of time in hospitals already…but, that’s another story.

Anyway, all my life I’ve acted out my dreams with relative frequency…at least weekly if not moreso. My poor husband has suffered years of these late night disturbances, the most memorable of which he will recount to me in the morning because I rarely recall either what I was dreaming or what I was doing. Recently, my pattern of dreaming has changed, though, in a chilling manner.

I am amassing an army and preparing to take over the world with my evil minions.

How do I know this? Because apparently I have repeatedly told my minions not only the fact that they were evil, but also in no uncertain terms identified to them that they must listen to me because I am their queen! And, this is a recurring theme, every time that I’ve had an episode in the past months, I have been in evil queen mode. I wish I could recall the dreams because there has to be a great book in there!

The first time the queen appeared, my husband said I was standing in our picture window in the bedroom, looking out over our lawn, and when he asked me what I was doing, dreaming me answered, “Checking out my army.” I did not identify myself to him at that point.

The next event had me opening our bedroom door and whispering to minions in the hallway telling them that I did not need them yet, that they were evil and did not belong here, and that they had to listen to me because I was their queen. Needless to say, my husband has gotten great mileage out of the evil queen concept. I expect he’s a little freaked out, actually!

Most recently, though, the evil queen was sorting minions…and apparently red-heads were a preferred commodity. I am usually very politically correct in my language, as a foil for my red-necked, foul-mouthed husband, and so would not normally refer to red-headed people as gingers, but when my husband asked the evil queen what she was doing, she said she was sorting out the gingers and sending the rest of the supplicants away. Hmmm. To have a recurring dream with these concepts of amassing armies and leading them…I’ll admit it’s even freaking me out a little!

On the lighter side, at least I’m not strangling my husband when I’m the evil queen…yet. During one sleep behaviour event, my husband tried to gently guide me back to bed by saying “Sweetheart, you’re dreaming, go back to sleep.” I jumped onto his chest, wrapped my hands around his throat, and said “Don’t call me sweetheart.” Then, later that night he tried to direct me to sleep again, a little less sweetly with “Go to sleep, bitch!” Somewhat awake, I replied in a hurt voice, “Why are you calling me names?”, to which he replied “Because apparently sweetheart didn’t work!”.

Sweet dreams, everyone!


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